When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
