it hurts more in the daytime
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
