remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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