i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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