I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
