She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
