Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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