I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
