I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i now understand why vodka
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
