Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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