respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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