I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
