I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
