Define "chronic" masturbator.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If I die, sorry about rent.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
