upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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