Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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