what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
