Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
