It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
