it hurts more in the daytime
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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