well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
