Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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