Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
