Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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