Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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