decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I deserve this hangover.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
