So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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