Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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