It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
