I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
