i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He better not be in your backpack
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
