One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
