Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
