Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
