the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
