you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
