I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
