I'm drive I can fine osifer
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
