we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
