my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
