i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
