Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Randomize
