the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
