I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
