I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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