Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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