Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
