we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Is Oprah even human
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
