OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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