This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
