wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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