Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
