WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize