I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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