so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
