Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he thought i was a dude.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
