i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
