talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
