You're completely useless in the revolution.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
