do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I am mentally ready for anal.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
