Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
