No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
