Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
