Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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