do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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